Il Divorzio and Villa Velina

I know, it’s like I fell off the face of the earth . . . Some of my loyal followers have written asking me about my current status, having noticed my absence from this blog or picked up on changes on Facebook, so . . . here’s my long overdue update. I have actually had a very busy year. Regular blogs about life in The Mezzogiorno will resume once again after a few transitional updates.

The Divorce. Yes, it happened. No, I never thought this would be something I would experience. But unfortunately, last year at this time I realized it needed to happen. A decision like this is not one you make lightly (troppo leggera), although to outsiders it may appear that this was the case or that it was all too “sudden” (improvviso). Well, let’s just say that not everyone drags all of their friends and relatives through drama, trauma and pain for many months or years before making this decision . . . some of us just deal with it swiftly once we admit to ourselves there is something amiss. The upside of talking about your impending divorce with everyone before doing it is that everyone else is prepared (rather than shocked). The fallacy here is that they are not the ones who need to be prepared. In fact, most of your friends become so sick and tired of hearing about your impending divorce that they actually beg you to get the dirty deed over with. The downside of having the knowledge of an impending divorce hanging over you for months or years before taking action, is the severe emotional toll it takes during that time and the fact that you are delaying moving on with your life and after all of that negativity, you still have to go through the actual divorce. And people say the court system is slow!

Look, in this marriage, fun was had and companionship and adventures were shared. If you’ve been following this blog, you’ve read about some of that. We enjoyed and appreciated many of the same things. But honestly, there were just some recurrent, underlying problems I would classify as communication differences and unconditional acceptance issues, which to me are two areas that carry a lot of weight as far as harmony and happiness go . . . I was actually attending therapy sessions alone specifically to address what, if anything, I could do to resolve these issues, but it really does take two . . . I respected that everyone doesn’t believe in or feel comfortable using therapy as an aid for relationship issues, but I was just tired of having the same disagreements over and over and never being able to work together to resolve them.

Since NO ONE (nessuno) was “in the know” in advance of my decision, that made me an easy target for all kinds of speculation the day I didn’t return home – had I gone “off my rocker”, was I having a “mid-life crisis”, or even speculation that perhaps there was some sort of mental diagnosis involved. I assure you, the only thing happening here was that I was securing my future happiness and perhaps my soon to be Ex’s future happiness (I sincerely hope that’s the case). I had, by then, already taken all possible steps needed to be sure this was the right decision for me (relationship therapy alone for almost a year, etc). The exercise of vacating my marriage without prior notice to any/everyone who may have wanted to know, provided me with a very clear picture of who “gets me” and appreciates me for who I truly am and also showed me very clearly who chose to judge me. Those who fall in the “gets me” category saw this coming before I did. These people all contacted me immediately upon becoming aware of the pending divorce to show their concern and make sure I was okay, but none of them were shocked. They knew me to the very core and innately understood why this wasn’t working for me. In fact, each of these dear friends provided encouragement, upon learning the news, commenting that I hadn’t been my normal happy self for a long time. Thankfully, I can count the dear friends category as the majority. On the other hand, it was eye-opening to me how a few people (who appeared close to me) to this day have not even concerned themselves enough to ask me “what happened, what went wrong?”, or offer any kind of support. Perhaps this is a tell-tale sign of a “judger”? Maybe they didn’t need to ask, as they had already decided how things were in my marriage. Or, in all fairness to them, maybe the appearance of suddenness shook them to the core, leaving them with a lingering concern about the destiny of their own marriage or relationship. After all, we looked like such a happy couple . . .

You see, I don’t just believe that marriage is something to endure. I believe it is something to treasure and enjoy. It is about a total give and take, ying and yang. It is about each person totally accepting and loving the other for who they really are and what they are really like, not who each wants the other to be. It is not about obeying . . . it is about sharing and cooperating. I knew what this felt like . . . I had that before and I wanted it again. Stay tuned for a love life update!

Villa Velina. Okay, now for the important part of this blog. I’m sure you’re all wondering what the fate of Villa Velina is as a result of the divorce. After doing much soul searching, I realized that I did not wish to give up Villa Velina. I am just not finished with my adventures as an albeit part-time resident of Castelnuovo Cilento. I love the people and the geography of that particular area along the Cilento Coast and I have much more living to do there! I have so many really good friends there now and I really feel grounded and at home there. And so I retained sole ownership of Villa Velina in the divorce settlement. New adventures coming!

Ciao,

Jo (Oxley)

 

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Giorno di Mercato (Market Day)

We awoke this Friday morning, our last full day at Villa Velina this visit, with our plan for the morning’s activity in place. As we surveyed “our territory”, we could see that it would be a perfect day.

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We head to town early to catch breakfast at Isola Verde and enjoy the energy of the Marina due to the additional surge of activity. Isola is much busier than usual with everyone from the usual beachgoers to a group of ladies all dressed up for market day.

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Each Friday morning, Marina di Casalvelino is abuzz with activity as the market moves into town. The food vendors line up along Canale Tufolo from Via Velia to Via Lungo Mare and the household goods, clothes and shoe vendors set up across Via Lungo Mare in the parcheggio (parking lot) by the beach.

Everything you need for survival in The Cilento exists at the Friday Market, and then some . . . fresh fruit and vegetables, wonderful local bufala mozzarella, a wheel of parmesean, baccalà, and olives along the Canale. Across the street, you can find everything from Italian playing cards to bras to trash cans and tablecloths. In other words, tutti e niente (anything and everything)!

After a leisurely colazione (breakfast), we stroll the market, deciding what to buy and enjoying every second of our interactions with the locals. The produce was very reasonably priced and there were definitely deals to be had. We want to buy all of it, but we are leaving the next day, so sadly there is no way we can consume it all. I purchase a top for 10 euros and George purchases a deck of Italian playing cards, totally different from American cards. We will have to learn the games.

Keeping with our normale style, we decide it is time for a break at our local hangout.

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As we relax and recount our fun morning at the market, we discuss our options for our last afternoon in Casalvelino. We decide to visit our favorite beach club in Ascea, Poseidonia, to have lunch, relax and enjoy our last afternoon in the Mezzogiorno.

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It’s tough eating incredible food and drinking fine wine right on the beach, but we’re up for it . . . later, it’s time to nap on the beach.

Ciao!

Gio

La Strada per Pisciotta (The Road to Pisciotta)

In our quest to visit all of the towns along the Cilento Coast, on this particular day we chose Pisciotta, a hill town a bit south of us. By the map, Pisciotta appears to be just down the coast from Ascea, a beach town near us. Conveniently, we identified a fairly direct route, which is rare considering all of the mountains. We had discussed the possibility of driving to Pisciotta via this route with our friends, and a concerned look crossed their faces as they cautioned us that “la strada è pauroso” (the road is scary).

As we sat at Isola Verde having breakfast, we pondered our options. Shall we take a chance on the more direct, but scary route, or drive inland and pick up the SP 430 to drive way out of our way around huge mountains and then out to the coast south of our destination, only to drive north quite a distance. We opted for the “scary route” because it would take us on “new turf” which we always prefer.

The beginning of our route was familiar as we drove to Ascea, but as we got to the edge of town, we took a turn away from the sea. In Ascea, the road directly along the sea, ends at Baia Tirrena, a cliff that juts out to the edge of water. The road was small (narrow) as we climbed up above the town, but it remained on a relatively straight path with some wiggles along the coast. For these drives, typically I am the navigator and George is the driver. I watch the navigator program and keep George informed regarding upcoming road conditions. George focuses on the immediate road and conditions such as potholes, upcoming blind curves and other vehicles passing us on blind curves.

Suddenly, the road took a sharp turn to the left as we headed away from the coast to follow the side of a hill inward as a valley jutted in from the sea. As we turned, I first looked across to the other side and instantly decided not to share what I thought I saw, because as I quickly glanced into the upcoming hairpin curve, I could see this already “small” road narrowed significantly AND a couple of vehicles were on their way toward us from the other side. Based on the size of one vehicle and the road below, I was not sure we could safely pass each other. With a steep hill on the left and an equally steep drop-off on our right, there was nowhere to go. This could involve backing up for quite a distance until a place in the road is reached that is passable. So, this is what our friends meant . . .

In a split-second, I warned George about the imminent “passage risk”concerning the large SUV. Then I allowed myself a second to absorb the positively terrifying view of the road I initially saw as the road curved away from the sea. There was a visible gash in the road for quite a distance. It appeared that half the road was gone! Most likely, some of this already extremely narrow roadway had fallen down into the valley below and the road was in the process of being repaired. All of this right before the point where the large hairpin jut into the valley is over and we would be back out to the edge of the cliff approaching the sea again. I just couldn’t even begin to imagine how two vehicles would pass . . .

My mind came back to the present as we were bottoming out in the inside of the valley in the middle of the hairpin curve and we could now see the rather large (by Italian standards) black SUV barreling towards us towing a small boat!! We each slowed down and pulled to our respective edges of the road a bit. By this time, we were on a straight section of the road and we made it without further maneuvering. I breathed a sigh of relief. Now, I had to tell George about “la strada rott0” (the broken road). A good Italian road navigator does not bombard his or her driver with multiple stresses at once.

I quickly shared what I had seen with George just in time for us to face two cement pillars in the center of the road. Now, had we a moment to think logically, we would have realized that the black SUV that just went by us fit through this, but the pillars were just close enough together to cause concern and bring us to a near-halt. Slowly, we entered the construction zone, without a clue about what we were about to encounter. This mini-adventure lasted about one kilometer, although it felt much longer at the time as we both were well aware how much more “interesting” it would become should another vehicle come along while we were in the zone. Also, it’s important to note that as we entered this area, we had no idea how long this would continue, which just added to the “excitement”.

Along our construction adventure, we found a few workers who had to move some equipment so we could continue, and a long area of the road that was passable by only one car as they worked to carve the road further into the hillside to compensate for the no longer existent original right lane that had fallen down the mountain. We, fortunately did not encounter another car. We were quite relieved to make it out of “the zona” and by the time we arrived at Pisciotta, we had already agreed to return home the same way!

Stay tuned for our day in beautiful Pisciotta!

Ciao,

Giovanna

Una Giornata a Maratea (A Day in Maratea)

This day begins like many other days, at Isola Verde, grabbing some wifi, having breakfast and discussing how to spend the day. Since we had a local day the day before, we decide to explore some new territory today. We refer to this as “new turf”. Two towns came to mind and as we compared maps, our decision was made.

Camerota or Maratea. Hmmm, let’s just say on this particular day, the maps decided for us! We chose Maratea for two reasons; we just weren’t into extreme hairpin curves today and going to Maratea would take us to the Province of Potenza – totally new turf!

We would take our familiar Strada Provinciale, SP430, a highway we could access within a few miles of our home. This limited access road cuts through some major mountain passes, utilizing tunnels and sometimes very, very long suspended stretches of road on pillars high above the valley below. In at least one case, you exit a tunnel to find yourself almost immediately on a suspended stretch of road – not for the faint of heart, but beautiful. Although this highway cuts away from the sea, at times you find yourself at such a high altitude at a place with a pass between two huge mountains, and there you can “see” all the way to the sea. That, and the dramatic mountain views make this a very scenic drive.  All along the way, we see small borgos and villaggios dotting the tops and sides of mountains and make mental notes to go back and visit.

Just before Sapri, the SP430 dumps us onto the SS18 for a beautiful drive along the coast, past Policastro Bussentino, Capitello and Sapri.

As we near Maratea, we drive through the small, beautiful borgo of Acquafredda, where the street is so narrow, it only allows one lane of traffic at a time, so there are traffic signals at both ends of town.

Continuing on, we can see the sign that we are approaching Maratea. The mountaintop overlooking Maratea is home to the fifth largest statue of Christ in the world! It is so majestic perched high above the town.

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We drive into the lower part of town and park and begin the short walk up into the Centro Storico. One of the first things we notice is a very old church with “Jesus” (yes, in English), written on the bell tower.

Along the way, the skies begin to brighten and we enjoy the beautiful views on the walk up.

 

We stroll through the Centro Storico a bit to get our bearings. Maratea is so beautiful with interesting streets and piazzas everywhere.

True to form, we decide it’s time for pranzo (lunch) and settle on a restaurant that shares a piazza with the municipio building. We have a delicious lunch of Fiori di Zucca and Risotto ai Funghi (zucchini blossoms and mushroom risotto).

As luck would have it, just as we are finishing lunch, siesta has begun, so my plans for shopping are not going so well.  Note to self: get moving earlier in the morning!! Often, by the time we arrive at our destination, siesta is beginning, which means all the stores will be closed until about 4:30 pm!! This sort of cramps the shopping. . .

I notice a beautiful hand-made ceramics shop, but it is closed. As we walk back out the very narrow little pathway it is on, we discuss how sad we are that we cannot buy anything there. Suddenly, a gentleman tells us (in Italian) to wait – “Aspetto!”, he can find the owner for us! We wait and he does – she comes to find us and opens her shop!  The owner makes everything on the premises by hand. We choose a beautiful holy water dish and a town crest of Maratea. The store owner doesn’t take credit cards, “solamente soldi” (only cash), so we have an adventure locating the nearest Bancomat and return with the cash.

Well, we say to each other as we leave Maratea, “un altar giorno in paradiso”! As we arrive home to Villa Velina, the skies agree with us.

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Ciao!

Giovanna

Coastal Exploration (L’Esplorazione Costiera)

On our second full day, and the last day of August, we decided to take a drive up the coast and check out a couple of beach towns – Acciaroli and Santa Maria di Castellabate.  George and I both love the beach, but we also love exploring, so our love for the unknown trumped our desire for another lazy day at the beach.

As we headed out for the day, we passed one of our favorite little towns, Pioppi. A tiny hamlet by the sea, Pioppi boasts views of the curved protected bay at Marina di Casalvelino that compete with the best. Think Bay of Naples – on a smaller scale, but just as spectacular and even more so to me without all of the buildings and population nearby.

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As we leave Pioppi, we are on “new turf”.  George and I always make a spoken note of this, wherever we are. Maybe it’s the gypsy in both of us. How do people get like this, I wonder? Here we are, two people who have found each other here on this earth, who both treasure, in fact, crave new experiences. Crazy? Or pazzo? One person’s craziness, is another person’s fun and entertainment. Sometimes we talk about how we got that way. For the most part, we are each the explorers of our individual nuclear families and we both also happen to be first-borns. Each of us moved to California, forcing a trip to visit on parents who likely never would have made the journey, had we not moved. Both of us have lived many places across the U.S. while our parents and all siblings have remained living in the same areas they were born and grew up. We’re not sure why . . . it just IS us!

After Pioppi, we do a few zigs and zags on the SRexSS267 (big name, small road) up over a large “hill”, we’ll call it due to the huge mountains within view, and the road brings us down to near sea level when we catch sight of Acciaroli.  We take a slight left, and park down by the marina and take a stroll through town by the beach.

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The beach is still buzzing with activity. After all, it is still August. We enjoy watching people swimming and sunbathing and jumping off of rocks.

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We linger for awhile and then reluctantly return to our car to continue on to Santa Maria di Castellabate. This is the sister (beach) town of Castellabate.

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SM di Castellabate is a classy beach town with great shopping, hotels and restaurants. We see the stately Hotel Villa Sirio along the beach and enter to explore. Inside we find a very friendly owner, who graciously gives us a tour of various rooms, all beautiful.  As we are leaving, we comment on the beautiful portrait in the lobby and he proudly tells us this is his family.

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We meander around town enjoying the buildings, shops and a the occasional adorable kitty.

As is always the case, we decide it is time for a rest at the local bar and we find the main piazza and a bar by a beautiful umbrella cypress tree. I just love these trees and stare at them along the way from Rome to Casalvelino.

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As we refresh ourselves, we have a lively discussion with with the Nonna of the bar owner, who shows us a beautiful hibiscus plant that bears two different colors of blossoms.  We don’t speak much Italian and she speaks no English, but that didn’t stop any of us from having any enjoyable conversation.

We decide to take one more pass by the beach before we leave. Although it’s still light out, George is quite interested in driving home in full day light and I’m sure it’s because of the narrow, cliff-hugging road with lots of sharp switch-backs and I agree! I sometimes close my eyes while we’re driving on roads like that, especially when someone near us decides to pass on a blind curve. . . let’s face it – any crash they would cause at those speeds, and we’d all be off the cliff!!  George, doesn’t have the luxury of driving with his eyes closed.

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We sigh as we absorb the sight of this beautiful beach and hate to leave, but we know we will return again soon.

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Ciao!

Giovanna

Beach Time – Tempo di Spiaggia

As we awoke on this first morning in Villa Velina this trip, I did what I do every morning – open all the shutters and take in the view of Monte Stella and the sea. There, below us was the magnificent scenery we would soon be part of as we experienced our very first beach day at Marina di Casalvelino!

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But, it was still to early to park ourselves on the beach – so, first things first. Down to the Marina we went for some breakfast (colazione) and our Wifi fix for the day. As we approached our favorite beachfront bar, Isola Verde, we could tell instantly that it was a whole different experience in August, abuzz with the increased influx of vacationers.

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People were everywhere and finding a place to park was certainly not the easy task it was off-season. But we loved seeing the activity and people. We managed to get the last open table outside and ordered breakfast.  We relaxed and made our plans for the day and then took a stroll down the street along the beach. The private beach clubs were all getting set up for the day. We choose one that looked fun, called Lido Azurro, and made a reservation for the afternoon.  This may only be rural southern Campania, but the Italians here know how to live. Not only would our reservation come with two beach chairs, an umbrella and music, but also with wifi and the ability to enjoy a glass of prosecco, wine, beer . . . basically your beverage of choice. No silly rules like no alcohol on the beach like in the U.S. – after all we’re all adults!

We returned to Villa Velina to get ready for our afternoon at the beach. We had packed extra beach towels from home, but we didn’t have a beach tote, no problem, we would pick one up on the way into town. We arrived at the packed beach club and were so happy we had made a reservation.

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The chairs and umbrellas were lined up neatly in rows and each couple had enough space for their two lounge chairs with umbrella table in between (for the prosecco) and a small aisle for walking around their chairs. Everyone was so friendly. The couple immediately in front of us heard us speaking in English and began speaking to us. We did our best to communicate in very broken Italian and some charades. In less than a minute, we heard a voice from a few chairs over “perhaps I can be of assistance”.  As we looked up, we saw a beautiful woman on her way over. This is how we met our friend, Sandra. Before we knew it, Sandra came to our rescue and became our personal translator. We learned the couple lived in Naples and their niece, who also spoke very good English was at the beach with them along with her friend, also a great English-speaker.  We met them both later.  Sandra speaks an amazing number of languages in multiple dialects – at least English, German and Italian as far as we know. We were absolutely amazed to learn that Sandra lived in the states (so far she is the only one we have met there who does) and visits a friend in Casalvelino a few times a year. In fact, she told us about her friend’s pasticceria and invited us to stop by one day. She was truly an angel sent to help us that day.

We totally enjoyed our day at the beach in the thick of the native Italian vacation season and the vistas we had in all directions. Looking southwest, we could see all the way to Capo Palinuro.

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Looking to our north, we could see the boat marina and tower of Marina di Casalvelino.

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As beach day came to  an end, we reluctantly gathered our belongings and headed home. I took one last look back at the beach from the sidewalk, thinking it may be a while before we are back during the busy beach season and saved this snapshot in my memory.

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Ciao!

Giovanna and Giorgio

 

Amo Cilento in Estate! (I Love Cilento in the Summer)

Our Italia-influenced move to a simpler (smaller) U.S. habitat kept us occupied (occupato) until it was time, once again to escape to Villa Velina. Before we knew it, we were at Philly International waiting to board our flight. Since we had not ever been to our area of Italy during the summer when the population was at its peak, we were excited to see Marina di Casalvelino in full swing.

In our mountain-contained valley leading to the Tyrrhenian Sea (the part of the Mediterranean Sea off the western coast of Italy bordered by Sardinia and Corsica), the population dwindles to only locals in all but the months of July and August. Don’t get me wrong, the population gradually swells leading up to those months, but by August, all of the Italians are on vacation for the month. When added to all of the Germans and Brits who also vacation in Marina di Casalvelino, this normally sleepy little beach town instantly turns into a whir of activity from crowded beach clubs to volleyball tournaments to nightclubs.

The first time we saw Villa Velina just days before purchasing it, in the beginning of June, the Marina was empty other then ourselves, our realtor and three to four others strolling by the sea. Now, we couldn’t wait to see August in the Marina! We tried to get some shut-eye, if not sleep on the way over. Soon, the sun was rising. This is the part of our flights to Rome I love the best, because it means 1) I get to see my “funny island” (Monte Argentario) connected to mainland Italy by two strips of land, and 2) we will be landing soon!

This time we get a cute hatchback Lancia rental at the airport. We quickly speed down the autostrada. I just love the interesting views as we get close to our destination.

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We arrive at Villa Velina as the sun is on the downturn. We quickly remove the plastic coverings from the furniture and clean (after all, it is siesta and no shops are open). Then we pick up some tasty snacks from the Supermercato and prepare for happy hour.

As we chill on our balcony, enjoying the ever-changing vista of Monte Stella, we look forward to the beach day we have planned tomorrow!

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Buona Notte,

Giovanna e Giorgio